Recipe: Dark brown faux leather purse, one handle shredding where it connects with gold accent ring

Ingredients: (mix all at once, best kept at room temperature to preserve meltable substances, however, has been known to withstand both extreme heat and temperatures below freezing)

1 pair of black mesh panties (clean)
1 pair of fuschia and black mesh panties (not clean)
Entire make-up bag, in case of emergencies
Empty packet of gum, to entice extreme irritation when self reaches for gum and realizes packet is empty, no self does not learn after the first try
1 mirrored bracelet, broken into about ten pieces
Five different lipsticks
wallet
compact
keys
Two sharpies
Old movies stubs from “Blades of Glory”
1 black and red beaded ladybug coin purse (secret compartment for tampons)

Recipe: Backseat of Car

Ingredients: (also able to withstand extreme heat and temperatures below freezing)
1 pair of black-and-red glitter adult-sized costume butterfly wings
1 pair of black mist pantyhose (not clean)
1 package of Reveal 100-watt lightbulbs
Multi-colored yoga mat, still in packaging
Unidentifiable number of paper coffee cups and tinfoil wrappings from visits to favorite breakfast place after therapy sessions
Majority of CD collection
1 Mangled Thomas Guide of Greater D.C. Area
Unopened mail from about six months ago
Ex-boyfriend’s textbooks, deposited in car so self could sell them back and get money so self can feel as though relationship was not total waste

This is a snapshot of me, taken when I wasn’t looking or getting ready for my close-up.

Apparently, this is me.