Do you want to know what I did yesterday?

Yesterday, at the end of the work day, while I was doing 65 down a five-lane freeway, I put on a full face of make-up, using the rear view mirror and my finely-tuned make-up application skills, which have taken 20 years to perfect, but required that I steer with my knee as my hands were occupied, so that I could go and pick up my cell phone from a boy, who is not my boyfriend, or a boyfriend-interest, in the parking lot of an old folks’ home, because that’s the only place that’s between his work and my work.

And then I came home and went, Shit. Now I have to wash off this goddamn mascara, which is something I hate more than anything in the universe. I will clean my apartment, pluck my eyebrows into oblivion and tweeze out every single leg hair individually just to procrastinate washing off my mascara.

But well worth the application.

I’m sure they loved me at the old folks’ home.