Today, I’m 31 years old. Want to know what I want for my birthday? Come closer.

I want a serenade…of sorts.

I want a very specific man to whisper, with his lips pressed against my ear,

“*I can barely move
For want of room
And I’m forgettin’ to breathe”

(with one hand tangled in my hair and the other…)

“But the sight of you
Has me instantly
Remember my needs”

(his mouth within striking distance)

“…I’m smellin’ your sweet…
Should I spend the next six hours
Tryin’ to get you
Off your feet?”

(yes)

“Oh no girl, just pretend
There ain’t no one else around

So let’s break it down”

(hands moving my hips…wherever…) 

“Watch a room full of roosters
Turned to cocks runnin’ wild
Scramblin’ like hungry dogs
Towards you, child

See those boys tryin’ to sweat you
Watchin’ grown men cry

Like you’re shakin’ it”

(pressing, pressing, pressing) 

“Put somethin’ in their eyes
…Wide open eyes

Well here I am
Just a man
Is this light flattering?
Did you notice my crown of feathers
And check out my vital vibrant comb?
Oh puff chest out and play strong”

(couldn’t miss it)
“Grab you by the hair and pull you along”

(wish you would)
“Or do I just talk to you
And tell you what I really
Really really want to do”

(please….)

“Stop because you think that you
Know where this is going
Couldn’t stop it girl
If you knew where this was going
You don’t know the half, girl”

(I’m betting on it)

“You seem so so smart
Ooh, but you’re so wrong”

(please prove me wrong)

“Let’s pursue this argument in darkness
Curtains drawn, limbs entwined

Now you’re two hours away
From starting your day
And you can’t be late
So let’s get straight

Let me wear you out
Let me wear you out.”

(That’s my birthday wish.)

*Lyrics to “Wear You Out” by TV on the Radio