Me and my boyfriend had a fight. We totally had to break up over it.

It was ok though, because we hadn’t met yet. It wasn’t like it was a big traumatic thing or anything. It was, however, more energy than I’ve ever put into a conversation with any man, let alone some dude I’m e-mailing on a dating site.

We were totally connecting in the beginning, and it was cool. He was all smart and in touch with his feelings ‘n stuff. Then he started taking a week to respond to my e-mails, even though he was logging on everyday. And I was like, WTF? Am I getting played online? That is so not happening to me. Plus, we’d been e-mailing for a month, and while I found his online persona engaging and all, I was like, seriously, I need to assess your skills in person so I know if this is a worthwhile investment. So I was like, Let’s meet, and he took five days to get back to me, and then he was like, I’m just so busy, but we can meet, and I was like, “Oh thank you for your approval (we can meet? seriously) and five days? I see you log on everyday. And busy? What exactly do you do at work for eight hours a day? Because I know your surfing the Net half the time, just like everybody else. Anyways, I didn’t say that to him.

But I did say, “Your response time is a little off-putting and my natural response is to be hesistant, as I don’t know you from Adam, Eve or Abraham or Curly, Moe or Larry.”

And then he was like, “I need to assess your response. This leads me to believe I possibly don’t have the time to invest in a dating relationship right now, as I am already pressed for time and falling down on the online communication.” And I was like, “Ok, I hear you,” only it was much more eloquent and philosophical and smart than that.

And then he e-mailed back and said, “I want to thank you. You have provoked me to some introspection that made me realize that this is so important to me, I want to be able to really devote time to it, and I can’t do that right now. I’m letting my subscription here expire at the end of the month.” And then he was like I hope you find someone, you deserve to, and I was like, Um, yeah, I know that.

So we broke up. It was a very intense relationship, as you can see.

I forwarded his thank you note to the Great and Powerful Best Friend, and she said:

“…he very much wants to sound important and intelligent. I bet he was a super geek in high school and is counting, overly much I might add, on adults not calling other adults booger-face geeks.”

And I was like, exactly.

Fucking booger-face geek.