This guy’s email is a classic.

I’d say that he is a “FUBAR!”

What is his problem? Make that plural.
Can hardly wait to hear what Haircutter has
to say about this one.

Mom

Dick. Face. Seriously.

And you forgot to bold “gold-diggers.” I hope he doesn’t mean the Kanye West song because that shit is the bomb.

Did he mention his age- because I’m thinking its Dick Cheney! Or Maybe OJ? Or Larry Craig?!?!

People, please, he’s clearly Nigerian.

Duh.

I’m thinking of going out with him for the comic value. I would wear a wire and podcast the entire thing the next day.

You should! For serial. In fact, wait till I get there so I can film the whole thing. Watching that guy would be funnier than anything I could ever write.

Dude, I have no idea how I’m going to keep myself from Kissing Banditing you the minute I meet you. I really don’t.

You’d think they’d teach better writing skills at a private boarding school and world class university. Maybe he skipped those classes; with his arrogance he probably logically determined he didn’t need help.

He lists mountains & beaches as hobbies. I wonder what he does with them? Personally, I like staring at them, but with his skills, I bet he moves them around. Perhaps not good for the environment, which conflicts with another hobby of his, but if it can be done, I’m sure he has the skills to do it.

And he doesn’t want someone who is judgmental. I bet he gossips in his inner circle just as much as anyone — assuming he actually has anyone in an inner circle or even an outer circle of orbiting semi-friends who have near miss collisions with the inner circle bodies.

Generally, smart people with high IQs never mention IQs. Dumb people with high IQs mention it a lot, as though it validates intelligence that even they know they don’t have–I suppose they’re at least that smart.

This is someone I’d like to meet. He can’t be for real.

ok, I just responded to him. We’ll see. I didn’t include my phone number, as suggested by his logical and interactive filtering process. So we’ll see. This is probably a little bit mean. And a little bit a waste of my time. Ok, someone validate me please.

He is a waste of time for serious consideration. But he is just too good to pass up for the fun of it. You’ve got to find out if he really exists.

give me a break! I agree with annie o. I don’t mention my academic degrees and don’t have “Ph.D.” on my business cards. My doctoral dissertation isn’t on a coffee table, but just another book on the bookshelf. I’ll edit your writing if asked, but that’s just for fun. A pseudo-intellectual uses big words to be impressive and you can see it. A true intellectual uses big words when necessary, but it sounds natural and not contrived.
Someone once asked me, after some serious physical activity, why I was so good. I said that I read a lot. And, I know how to apply my reading in a natural way. She said don’t stop reading–it felt good!

Wow!! I’m a little late to the party, but let’s whoop it up anyhow!

I can’t get over Mom using “FUBAR”, that is hilarious and oh, so true!

Mela, please contact him and let us all have his address so we can ream his worldclass self-perception. I’m guessing his interactive filter won’t allow you in, but it would not be a waste of your time. This man needs some help coming down offa his cloud. Don’t you think the thing he really seeks is a full length mirror and a big ol’ jar of vaseline?? He seems to be pretty impressed with himself, no one else would stand a chance. But the real question I have is… where in the hell, in all professional worlds and worldclass training schools, do men add 100– :), ever??? Is he lookin’ for a BFF or an OMG date?? Good lord, I pity the fool. Oh well, if we click mentally, only then we shall meet.

!! i just stumbled across this dude’s online profile last night: and could NOT. BELIEVE. HE WAS ACTUALLY. SERIOUS. it’s so over the top that i just figured it was a creepy joke of sorts. (he looks totally hot in his pic, but i bet he’s actually a troll in real life.)

i cant wait to see how FUBAR Boy responds !

[ ray: if you have a PhD in “reading,” then, truly, youre the man of my dreams … ]

OHMIGOD!! I can’t believe you ran across his profile!!! He totally busted me on the e-mail, though. I wrote something witty and pithy, blah blah blah and then I said, “So tell me this, dahling, is your profile honestly 100 percent dead serious?”

That blew it. It was not suave of me. He wrote back and said “What do you really mean?”

So I canceled my account ’cause I felt like a big ol’ bee-atch. I mean really, we’re all just wookin’ pa nub.

That means that YOU, Neko, have to e-mail him and take over!!!

sis, the dude wrote to you because he wanted *YOU*!! he wants a hot redhead with a wicked streak (not some shy little geeky neko like me)!

you absolutely must renew your account and carry on the political intrigues with this key target. (hey, you’re the one always wanting to get into the spy gig, right?)

you must carry on with the mission: you owe it to your country ….

Rico Suave, be damned! Please please, both of you, pester him endlessly to be truthful. Will one of you tell him how Positively Gauche he is??? That a Midwestern Community College Gal says so?? Please. He is so under my skin now, I feel dirty.

Mela, don’t cancel your account over douchebag. He’s only advertising, not wookin’ for nuthin’. He ain’t go no nub to give. Prod him! Poke him. Irritate the hell out of him. Please.

This reads like a bad resume.

I was almost expecting to see “references available upon request” at the bottom….not that the creepy-quotient isn’t already high enough without it.

Mela, if you don’t reinstate your account right now and fulfill this mission I am seriously going to report you to the NARB.

I’ll do it. You know I will.

Note to Neko,

Let me see if I can keep this acceptable–
Not only do I have a Ph.D. in applied reading (see my above post), but I speak well (which suggests good oral skills) and can type at my computer some 80 words a minute (which suggests good fine motor skills in my hands, which can handle repetitive motion).
Mela–have fun with your new young (?) man. At the least, maybe you’ll get a good dinner. How is the royal jelly working out?
Mela’s Mom–I hope Mela appreciates that she is here because of the fun (hopefully) that you had with her dad. My parents were married for 62 years, and my father knew my mother was the one after their first kiss in the early 1940s. There is hope!

Arrr!!! ME thinks we should keelhaul the bilge rat, as it be Talk Like A Pirate Day, me lusty wenches.

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html

Mela if you are not going to toy with this guy then please, PLEASE set him up with my ex-wife. They’d be just @#$%ing perfect for one another.

Stuck in Kuwait– That is funny! Is she worldclass?

Haircutter - Remember in Anchorman when Will Ferrel keeps saying “When in Rome” in the wrong context? Yeah, he was channeling my Ex.

This time zone thing is killing me. While you guys are closing bars and sawing wood I’m waiting for Mela to make a move. COME ON RED!!!

Announcer’s Voice: WILL MELA CONTINUE TO SCREW WITH THE MENTAL PATIENT WITH INTERNET ACCESS? WILL DR. RAY RETURN THE LOVELY NEKO’S AFFECTIONS? TUNE IN TOMORROW MORE OF STRIPPED BARE. Brought to you buy the SC Jorgenson floor mop.

Come on, Mela! Do it for the troops!

You might just have to… kuwait for it? (issert dr. evil pinky here.)

Just pulling your chain, i’ve buffed floors before, me heartie (sorry, left over pirate talk).

Here y’are! Sumthin’ t’ cheer ye:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75ishimmer.phtml

You guys, seriously. I exchanged about four e-mails with him and it was REALLY CLEAR that is he none of the things he claims to be. Like he has a world-class education, but can’t spell or punctuate, or type, which he cited as the reason he needed to call me immediately. He is also online ALL THE TIME, which doesn’t jive with his claim that he is a busy big-time fat cat with no time to spare. My detective skills instantly recognized him as a possible serial killer who attracts the type of woman he hates because she wouldn’t give him the time of day in high school (girl chasing rich, popular good-looking guy) and then massacres them for revenge. Hence, I blocked him from my account and reported the inconsistencies to the website. The man sounded dangerous is all I’m sayin’.

he totally wants to wear your skin like a coat.

while trolling tonight, i see that Serial Killer Boy took down his posted pic. (it so wasnt really even him — i bet he found a far away shot of Andy Garcia in sunglasses and just slapped it on his profile.) damn: i’m so disappointed we wont have the satisifaction of seeing him be skewered by our Intrepid RedHead Heroine !

p.s. hey Stuck: are you really in Q8 ? shouldnt you be busy fighting a war and all?

oh, and by the way … DR. RAY TOTALLY IS LOVING ME TOO MUCH. (see his above personal invitation to me: he totally wants me to help him develop a wicked case of carpal tunnel syndrome …. )

I’m glad Mela dumped this guy. Sounded very creepy and why give him even a chance.
oh, and by the way Dr. Ray is very willing to back off, but still stay in the picture for Neko. The repetitive motion comment is directed toward others and NOT self. I don’t want to get too graphic but there was a scene in an old Seinfeld sketch where Elaine was wondering if a possible suitor could handle the workload requirements. This is the idea.

you guys. seriously. I thought we addressed over on the old blog. No one hooks up on the blog expect Mela. Those are the rules.

I’m working on it. Come November (the month, not the dude), I’ll be bringing you physicians, sales guys, business leaders, lesbians and marketing guys for you to choose from. I’ll line them all up and you and anyone else that’s interested can have your pick.

Some might be married though… but the spouses aren’t invited to the meeting so it’s cool.

Well we can’t have our beloved Mela pacing circles in some guy’s basement now can we. Safety first our entertainment second. No wait…Mela’s quest for a meaningful, carnal relationship FIRST, our entertainment second, and Dr. Ray’s carpal tunnel third.

Neko: Yes, I really am in Kuwait and Sweetie… Pumpkin…There isn’t a war going on in Kuwait. There are two wars near by but neither of them are here.

Dr. Ray: Don’t back off MAN! I know, I know, Mela’s “No hooking up policy” and all. That’s just a clever ruse. Actually she writes about all of us on another blog we don’t know about…(side note: NEKO isn’t very good at Geography remember that for your first date. Tell her you took her to Paris. Trust me Dude.)

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Stuck in Kuwait, you do have an interesting perspective.

yo, Stuck: so sorry to hear you actually ARE stuck out in the armpit of the Gulf! i’ve been to several capital cities out that way and kuwait was far & away the dumpiest of them all (which makes me wonder just exactly where all that oil $$ is going).

re my war joke … i spent Jan-Apr 2003 in beautiful downtown Q-8 (ie, before/during and *after* the war; our fearless leader declared “Mission Accomplished,” remember?). kuwait city actually was a warzone back then: so there(!)

and now to more interesting intrigues.

there’s totally no rule about no hooking up on the blog! that’s just urban legend. i had a crush on another blogger (Bayne) but unfortunately he’s still pining for a long lost love. so, dr. ray–with his 80 words a minute skills/residual carpal tunnel issues–is the next best object of my (cyber) affections. a neko gets to have a little fun, right?!

Mela: Hey, we’re all just having some fun. Sure, there are rules but then there are still hookups.

Neko: I agree with you, a neko does get to have a little fun. Some fun for Mela, some fun for Neko. It’s all good!

Stuck in Kuwait: Glad to have you as a Wingman! Even from Kuwait, you can play a part. I might even have to buy you a whiskey when you return!

Mela, do you see what happens when you leave us unsupervised. NEKO starts lap dancing and Dr. Ray (never to be caught without a stack of twenties) starts stuffing her G-string….AND he plies me with alcohol or at least the promise of alcohol.

By the by Doc, Scotch, single malt, preferably an Islay will get you all the close in air support you need my brother.

NEKO: I’m stuck OUTSIDE of Q City so you can imagine the accommodations. Bayne must be a cad, you are far better off with our learned Doctor. He minored in the Kama Sutra and has inherited a recessive gene that makes….well I’ll let you find out for yourself.

Screw Mela’s policy. She ain’t the boss of the wang, show some balls y’all.

Mela’s just trying to keep me and Haircutter apart.

Plus I have to think that, back in the day, Cold Truth hit some of that, you know? Hott blog action, n’all?

The Ghetto Boys said it best: “Real gangsta ass n***as don’t flex nuts, cuz really gangsta ass n***as know they got them.”"

In AboutLastNight, you once wrote a top rules of online dating entry. Any chance we can see that again (maybe updated– new & improved?)?