for the love of god, mela: spare key. it’s easy. you don’t need a burglar or a ninja, just a friend with a spare key.

Uhmmm, I never said where or for whom I wrote documents. I know lots of burglars, car jackers, a few murderers, serious drug dealers–not just street level, but importers. For real. Like I said, really for real.

A few years back, I gave a friend a spare key to my apartment. I was new to town, didn’t know a lot of folks, and he and his wife were old friends. I wanted someone else to have a key. So, once, driving home, I saw someone in the apartment thru the window. Freaked me out! It was my friend, returning some borrowed items.

I gave a friend my spare key, and somehow he turned into my boyfriend. Neat trick, huh? Maybe you should think “long & hard” about who you give your spare to, M-Dogg.

Anne- thinking “long and hard” is the way to go.

“Who will receive Mela’s spare key?”

“Is November a Trustworthy Man?” these are spoken in Stuck in Kuwait’s soap opera voice over…

Mela- how come no call to the Landmonger??

I feel fairly certain that in our new current lines of expertise, that we are going to meet a few good burglars in no time.

I will watch out for that tomorrow while I’m also watching out for cute, bulky midwestern men to take us to the haunted houses.

I’m on that.

Hey, I was just offering a lady a service! I didn’t know that with the exchange of a spare key, and maybe a few goats, we’d be legally married in some tribes! Sheesh.

But, Anne, you keep thinkin “long & hard” thoughts, and I’ll be right over.

Hey Mela! Have you ever tried to pick up one of the locksmiths?? you know, you could play a little game of lock n key?

I’d say give the key to the nosy neighbor. He’s always there, never does much with his life and would be too scared of you to intrude upon yours — plus you always have the deadbolt to keep him out when you’re in.

You’d make his day, but you don’t care what he thinks anyway, and the spare would always be handy.

Given the volume of accidental lockouts perhaps a houseboy is in order. On the days you remember your key they can just hang up your coat and rub your feet.

Get the houseboy!!

Melanie, did you forget that while in college I moonlighted as a locksmith? I will totally teach you how to pick a lock.

for serious.

I said rub Mela’s FEET, Haircutter. FEET!! You saucy girl.

Uh, in my world, “rub the feet” always leads to sex. You could call it foreplay. Let’s call him ManServant though, it is much spicier! Maybe we can chip in and get him a french maid’s outfit…

annie o- I don’t think you are having the best idea… nosy neighbor will probably go in and put on Mela’s best undies while she is gone, or just touch himself with her things, inviting much ickiness. He’s got to be a freak. Of some kind.

goddamnitmelanie.

This is tooo much information….
Huggie Buggies,
Mother

I have a friend that installed a ‘lockbox’ on his house, that had a keypad where he’d enter a code, which unlocked it, where he kept a spare key. Worked handy when repairmen were coming by that he wanted to allow in while he wasn’t there…
just a thought…

“long and hard,” playing who can find the lock and key, rub the feet, hiring a houseboy with benefits. all good. I can provide benefits at minimal cost.

what about the key to your heart? I hope that has not been lost.

oh god, that was cheesy

…we should rearrange the alphabet so that u and i are together…

a spare key, a few goats, you know–we just put it out there. long and hard, lockpicking skills. all just an exchange of favors.

a few groans at a cheesy remark never hurt anyone and maybe some might actually smile.

I like some cheese now and again, but not cheese with whine. Long and hard, y’all, long and hard!

gosh november, isn’t it amazing that the u and i are together on the keyboard?!

Jeezus, I love you guys, but this isn’t a blog, it’s a slow motion chatroom. Post sumthin Mela!

I second that. All in favor of Mela posting something say “Aye”

I’d be happy with a post from Neko.

Damn it, I just can’t stay away. Oh well. Here, we need to call in the pros for a discussion of pickup lines:

Personally, I like: “Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh… was your father a meat burgler? Here’s why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0213790/quotes

November! Would you ever say that??

Here’s my favorite…. don’t I have the whitest teeth you’ll ever come across??

let’s see.
a few years back,
sitting on the couch with a sweet young thing.
I’ve taken off her glasses, moved her drink to the table, and clothing is being removed without protest. Then, she says “what is going on here?” Hmmm, should be obvious. She then says, I thought you were going out with Judy?
I said that she was just a friend, which was really the truth. I didn’t have to make this one up.
New girfriend thinks for a minute and then decides to believe me. For once, no coverup needed!
Not a pickup line, but a good story, I think.
Like they say, the truth will set you free.

Oh, Haircutter, it took me a moment to get the meaning of your line. You are something else!

A classic: “I’m going to have sex with you whether you’re there or not tonight so you might as well come home with me.”

Only to be used when wearing something stain resistant.

Side Note: Rum and coke ruins almost anything it is doused upon.

there’s something captivating about a young man who removes his glasses after i’ve been kissing him for a while. it’s just a small random gesture but i always seem to take note of it — and never fail to be charmed by it. it’s intimate in a way that the removal of an article of clothing could never quite be …

now, i myself usually wear contact lenses. ray, what would say if a fine young neko sitting on the couch with you asked if you’d, say, lick them out … ?

(just curious.)

For serious, Dude, did you just say (I know, like weeks ago), that you’re going to teach Mela (and by Mela you mean Mela and me) how to pick a lock?

Because if you do teach us to pick locks, I think our skill set will be damned near complete.

Once we learn how to act as our own attorneys, get the CIA to make us covert operatives and master the use of those reverse vision glasses, that is.

I can’t believe you know how to pick locks. This is why I will follow you to the ends of every Chic-fil-A on earth, Dude.

sometimes, I have put my glasses back on. why, you might ask? to better see you, my dear.

Oh, she says. Then, ohhhh, she says, much longer with a deep sigh of understanding.

taste, smell, sight, touch, sounds are all part of the way we experience those around us . . . especially at the most intimate moments

(still curious)

but what about my contact lenses? it’s no fun at all, having to take them out every night before i go to sleep: when i’m dead tired; have had too much to drink; getting hot & heavy with my man (any or all of the above), etc.

so. you’d remove someone’s (and your) glasses: but would you help a girl take off/out her contacts … ?

(curiosity killed the neko)

Neko,

whatever adds to your pleasure and comfort. if licking out your contacts is what it takes; well, sure. I can always leave a clean glass of water at the bedside or next to the couch.

Like I said in an earlier post, besides having good hand skills, I also have good oral skills. hot & heavy with your man–sounds good to me.

still curious?

get a room

(dude: come on, what’s a little cyber-flirting among total strangers??)

ray: now, let’s recap … you’ll save the last dance for me (a tango, if i like; or maybe even indulge me in a random cheesy make-out dance tune like Mysterious Ways?), and you’ll lead (because, of course, you know how), -AND- you’ll help take out my contacts (with a little creativity and imagination thrown in for good measure).

brother: you are too true to be good(!)

dude, yeah, don’t be a hater, be a lover. much better benefits!!!

neko–I’ve earned my relationship battle scars and ribbons. a little tango, a little cheesy make-out dance, a little leading, a little creativity, lots of imagination.

I’ve seen the light. I don’t even care who has the TV remote on home nights, as long as you don’t change the station on the radio as we drive down the highways.

I do like sex and candy.

Morphine and chocolate.

Absinthe.

“i want candy … youre so sweet, you make my mouth water.”

(total non-sequitar)

hey Dude: we established previously that you are, in fact, a dude (vice a chick). but, are you the same poster who uses the tag “dude” (with a small “d”)? or is “Dude” - not identifiable with - “dude” ?

(inquiring nekos want to know)

There is only one Dr. Ray!. The good Doctor can handle all your ailments, aches and pains and leave you well satisfied. Just Ray or even ray will be sufficient.

someone once said,
candy is nice but liquor is quicker!

Actually, there is a chocolate liquor made in Holland, the best of all worlds.

Neko, seriously, get Lasiks. It’s the best thing I ever did for myself.

Mela,
Lasiks for Neko to avoid Dr. Ray or Lasiks so there is one less item to remove . . . at the end of the evening.

(inquiring rays want to know)
(did you ever think your blog would take such directions, even having a correspondent from Kuwait?)

huh??? did i miss something?

i just wanted to know if Dude = dude. my being myopic is besides the point!

or are you referring to earlier request to have someone lick out my contacts? if so, the request (to The Good Doctor (or any other willing party, for that matter) still stands: whether or not i get Lasik-ed … (smirk)

Yes. Dude = dude.

My capitalization goes as my personalities go.

And licking someone’s eyeball (contacts or no contacts) is fucking gross. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

No offense.

,,,, and other kinds of licking arent eff’ing gross/wrong?

(a rhetorical question, of course.)

i guess licking is all in the toungue of the beholder …

Yeah, eww on eye licking. Let’s be careful out there kids, with what we put in our mouths… it is cold and flu season! Everybody wash up!

none of the above. I’m just suggesting Lasiks ’cause it rocks all around. No fuzziness or tired eyes or clouds. And you can actually see the person your boning. That’s the best part.

because of my schedule, I often read this blog early in the morning. nothing like coffee and this blog to start the day.
and, in response to all the above,
I’m here to serve, in any capacity.

of course, Mela, you did leave out one point. With glasses or contacts, you can always leave them off or take them out if you don’t want to see actually see the person you’re boning.

(never in Neko’s case)

mel: i actually did see whether i could have lasiks done. turns out my corneas are too thin; so, here i am , still blind as a bloody bat.

to ray’s point, after i got contacts (i was too vain to wear my glasses during highschool), i discovered a frightfully shocking truth: people are damn uuughly! (i was also shocked to learn that i didnt have the beyootiful long wavy thick hair i’d thought: with contacts in, i could see that it was actually pretty much a ratnest.)

but i’m sure the ever gallant & noble ray would claim otherwise ( i totally love the cyber lovin’!) …

p.s. i think i need to get my eyes checked.

i’d originally thought you guys had written, “…. so you can see who youre *boRing*. ”

now i see, both times, the actual word is *boNing.

(now, that one little letter, that makes a big hairy difference ….)

I would never want to be accused of being “boring.” As to boning, well I haven’t heard much in the way of complaints. Compliments are always welcome.
I can only envision neko with long wavy thick hair. AH, to get lost in . . .